Written by Lauren Bauer, BCBA & Clinical Director

When Jamie L.’s family first began their ABA journey, they were skeptical—like many parents, they had heard common misconceptions about what ABA looked like. “We thought ABA was about kids being robotic, drilling things in,” Jamie’s mother, Anna, shared. “But it got to the point where the bad was outweighing the good with his behaviors, and we knew we had to try something different.”
Jamie’s behaviors had become increasingly intense during middle school, including self-injurious episodes that left his parents feeling frightened and unsure where to turn. They spoke with Jamie’s school about ABA therapy and were told that some students had seen positive results. After exploring several providers, they chose Gateway due to the availability of both home and clinic sessions. “We wanted to make sure the skills transferred to home,” Anna explained.

A Family Approach

From the start, Jamie’s parents quickly realized that ABA wasn’t just for their child—it was for the entire family. “People think ABA is just for the kids,” Anna said, “but it’s the parents that also have to be trained. If the parents are not carrying out the therapy techniques consistently, it’s not going to work to the magnitude it can.”
Parent training helped them reframe how they interacted with their son in everyday routines. “You’re interacting with your kid anyway, so why not interact from an ABA perspective? You’re not adding time—you’re just taking that time and doing things in a different way.”

Shifting Perspectives

Through parent training, one of the most powerful lessons came from learning to “expect competence.” “The hardest thing as a mom is that I want to help so much that I want to jump in and help,” Anna shared. “While that shows love,” she says, “it’s not necessarily a good way for our son to learn. By jumping in, I am taking away experiences for him to learn life skills.” Instead of rushing to help, she learned to use expectant waiting—pausing to give her son the time and space to respond independently— before prompting. “It’s been a habit I’ve had to learn. I used to speak for him,” she said. “She shares that she has learned to hold back, and that ABA has helped to shape how their family interacts.
She also reflected on how her own confidence grew over time. “You [our BCBA] gave me the confidence,” she said. “I think back to what my son would be like if I hadn’t learned these things.”

Finding What Works

Through practice and consistency, the family discovered that small changes could make a big impact. One breakthrough came when they learned how to respond differently during meltdowns. Previously, “we would try to prevent him from hitting, and that made it worse,” Anna said. She explains that she also used to over-communicate with her son during meltdowns, which often escalated his behaviors. “Giving him space while keeping him safe clicked. Holding my tongue and not saying ‘It’s okay’ when he wasn’t feeling okay” was big.
Another important shift came in learning how to reinforce positive behaviors. “He’s going to get your attention either for good behavior or bad behavior,” she explained. “You’re going to give attention one way or another. I now tell other parents—praise the good behaviors and ignore the bad when possible. That was one of the most difficult things I had to learn.” She shares that this has even extended to Jamie beginning to point out and praise his own positive behaviors.

Growth for the Whole Family

Over time, the family began to see incredible progress—not just in their son, but in themselves. “It has reaffirmed my role as a teacher, not just a parent,” Anna reflected. “I have the tools. I understand things. It gives me the confidence that we as parents can make a difference in his journey—and I have confidence in my son.”
That confidence grew as their son began to take on new challenges. Jamie has begun a vocational training program, learning to work a variety of public community locations such as restaurants and grocery stores. The family was told those jobs were for the “higher functioning” kids, but share that Jamie rose to the challenge due to his significant reduction in maladaptive behaviors and is now thriving.
Other milestones followed: building friendships with neurotypical peers, participating successfully at church, and spending time out in the community with respite workers and friends. “The first time he got into the car and drove off with a friend—that was amazing,” Anna recalled. Through positive reinforcement, Jamie also learned to remain quiet at church and reduce disruptive behaviors. “Over time, he began to increase his participation and started to really enjoy it.” She shares, “Now, church is a beautiful bonding time for our family.”

Words of Encouragement

When asked what she would say to other parents who might be hesitant to get involved in parent training, her message was simple but powerful:
“You’re interacting with your kid anyway—why not interact from an ABA perspective? You’re not adding time, just doing things differently. When people say they can’t afford to do this or spend the time—I say you can’t afford not to. It’s not going to work if we’re not using it in their natural environment.”
Looking back, Anna says the biggest lesson she’s learned is one that applies to all families:
“Bottom line is that behavior is communication.”
Through dedication, consistency, and teamwork with their ABA team, this family transformed daily challenges into opportunities for growth—and found new confidence, both in their son and in themselves. In closing, Anna shared, “I look back and think that if we did not start ABA therapy, Jamie would never be in the position he is in now. He was self-injurious, unregulated, and we were trying desperately to help him in our own way. His behaviors were holding him back from life experiences. He would not have been able to experience life at this level – contributing to society, volunteering, participating in vocational training, maintaining friendships, and living a joyful life.”